First Date Curse
by robert3A-SN
Summary: Leslie is overjoyed when she can finally date Ben. But when she realizes that now she has to have a first date with Ben, she goes out of her way to make sure he can't ask her yet.


Anyone who had met or even heard of Leslie Knope knew of her legendary optimistic cheer- no matter how many snide remarks were made about it. Yet even those who learned to love it, and those who mocked it, would have been shocked at how much bigger it was on this particular night. But with the context that it was a few nights after she and Ben Wyatt became official in public, and got to keep their jobs anyway, it was more understandable.

Despite being technically all alone at her house, Leslie's happy Ben-thoughts, and all the visions they inspired, were keeping her company. Although they had been a public couple for a few days already, she still felt even higher than she did on the days when they first kissed, and when Chris's policy no longer became a problem.

Being allowed to be with Ben could do that to a person. Even by her standards of dreaming big and taking on the world, Leslie was on a big roll in her head that night. With Ben by her side, she felt like she could build Lot 48, make waffles and whipped cream the new national foods, and end the tyranny of Eagleton, Jerry and the library in one fell swoop. After all, thanks to him, she already survived Mean Ben, the Harvest Festival, Chris's policy, and the parts of the road trip before….their breakthrough. What couldn't be done now?

Leslie never believed that nothing couldn't be done in the first place, and now no one would be able to argue with her- or at least win the argument. Because the winning point would be by her side every day, because she now finally gets to kiss Ben Wyatt. Because she now finally gets to date Ben Wyatt. Because….

Wait. Leslie had to go back a few words after that one.

Because she now gets to date…..

Date.

Crap on a crapsicle.

The one unbeatable opponent of Leslie Knope was now on the horizon. More unbeatable than Lot 48, the library, Chris, Eagleton, Lindsay, or 50 Joan Callamezzos- especially since she'd beaten all those opponents and the one original Joan. But now, the undefeated villain that was the first date couldn't be held back anymore.

In between all the sexual tension, the Chris obstacle, and everything she did to beat them both, Leslie forgot how she was destined to lose anyway, the minute she won. Once Ben officially asked her out for the first time, it would all be over in a wave of note cards, fires, drunken spectacles, and whatever supernatural phenomenon hadn't shown up yet. But it was probably saving itself for right now.

The first date cruse truly was a sick adversary. It had wrecked so many other potential relationships, or foreshadowed the doom of others. But now that she was already in the best relationship of her life, it was probably getting ready to cause the worst train wreck of all time, to restore balance. What other explanation could there be? Since Ben had made her so happy already, the curse probably had all its A+ material ready for them, and it had already used some doozeys in the last 25 years.

If it was gonna top itself, just like Ben had topped every other man she dated already…..oh God, this was probably the last night of her life. But that wasn't the best thought to have right before the phone rang, and Leslie picked it up in a panic.

"Leslie?" Oh God, the curse was making Ben seal his doom now, just when Leslie figured out its plan? That rat bastard….well, she'd show him!

"I'm not home!" Leslie turned off the phone and slid it away from her right then and there. Hopefully that perfect save would serve as a good omen, against the 10 million bad ones.

"You can't have this one, you psycho! I only figured out your plan _almost_ too late, and that almost is all I need!" Leslie yelled to whatever date demons were out there. Of course, the demons probably sensed her fear when she said that, so that macho talk likely wasn't scaring them. After all, they held all the cards right now. The minute that Ben asked her, they would already declare victory- maybe that would make them too overconfident and make them accidentally spare her and Ben's lives, but she couldn't count on that.

Wait. Leslie needed to go back several more words and sentences on that one. After all, that strategy finally wised her up before.

The minute that Ben asked her….

Of course! If he couldn't ask her, then he couldn't seal his doom! Then maybe that would buy some time for both of them. The curse was obviously patient, since it was waiting months for them to actually get together, just like they were. But another long wait could really tick it off, and then maybe she could wait it out while it got frustrated!

This was her best idea ever to hold the curse back- so good that it'll never think she was capable of something like that. Unless it had mind reading powers. But if Leslie didn't think that it did, it might not suspect that she figured it out, and there was another edge right there.

And to think she wouldn't be figuring all this out if love and Ben were still blinding her. When this was over, she'd have to convince him not to be that all powerful from now on, if they could still talk by then.

The next morning, Leslie had a strategy all worked out, at least to beat the curse back for the day. She was sure to arrive at work even earlier than Ben, but since that could happen for a wide variety of reasons, the curse wouldn't suspect a thing. Then she'd throw herself into her projects, which the curse knew she loved to do anyway, and neither it nor Ben would be able to ask her anything.

But when Ben knocked on her office door a half-hour later, Leslie remembered that the curse was a light sleeper as well. "So, I, um, heard you weren't home last night."

"Ah! Well, you know how it is. After, uh, after a long night of nature shows, the news and Nutri-Yums, who wouldn't be too riveted to remember where they were?" The curse obviously knew she was lying, but if it wasn't influencing Ben too much right now, there might still be a shot.

"Yeah….that Discovery Channel can really mess with your brain," Ben conceded, as he seemed to be searching carefully for his next words. "So, Leslie-"

"Oh, my God!" Leslie impulsively let out. Fortunately, it took her a half-second to notice the documents on her desk, which gave her a handy excuse for yelling. "There's a new weight limit on Ramset Park's swings! This'll be one of the big crises of the year for sure, I'll need all hands on deck for this one!" About halfway through her explanation, she was almost shocked to realize that it actually was true, and not something she had made up. For a brief moment, she praised Sweetums, rusty swings and obese kids in her head for the first time ever.

"Of course, I'll let you solve the big crisis, then. You can tell me all about it at lunch," Ben offered.

"Crap, lunch! I mean, uh….I might need to bring the new swing and weight stats with me, is that fine?" Leslie asked before praying to herself for the right answer.

"Sure, the more guests, the merrier. So….I'll see all you guys then."

"Yep, now you will, bye!" Ben headed off after that, and finally allowed Leslie to breathe again. That was the first time she regretted not breathing in front of Ben, and his face while she was trying to dismiss him didn't help much either. But when this was over, he'd hopefully understand the evil she was saving him from.

Once that unpleasantness was done, Leslie actually had a much easier time surviving the day. Throwing herself into all kinds of projects- even ones that weren't as serious as the swing problem- was the one skill the curse couldn't touch. It briefly reminded her of those old pre-Ben days, before anything else could alter that routine. Yet it was one of many necessary things to get through in these dark times.

When she had lunch with Ben in the courtyard, she had all the documents and papers she needed, to appear too distracted to talk. Whenever Ben seemed ready to ask a question, she just randomly needed to point to some fact, finding or small detail, and she would go on about it for minutes. It worked so well that Ben stopped trying to ask a question after just two attempts, and just talked regularly when Leslie felt safe to let him speak.

After that, Ben had his work to focus on, and Leslie piled up enough work so that she barely had free time. By the time the work day was over, Leslie had the routine down pat, enough so that Ben didn't even talk that much when they walked out of City Hall. He just said a quick good night, kissed her cheek and went off- and Leslie actually didn't mind that she was more excited by the quiet than his kissing.

All in all, she had held off the curse perfectly for an entire day, and that was more progress than she had made in years. Of course, she still didn't have a long term plan for killing it, or any planned excuses for Ben if he actually got to ask the question. Still, Leslie was facing such a powerful, undefeated adversary, so asking for miracles like that was too soon for the first day. Once she stood her ground for a few more days or weeks, the answers would surely come.

For morning No. 2, things started even better, as Ben didn't even drop by the office first thing. But Leslie kept all of her work updates nearby anyway, since it was too early to drop her guard. Yet Ben didn't show up for the entire morning, which fueled Leslie with hope that this was working faster than usual. She briefly started to wonder if she could even beat this thing before summer was over, and then Ben could drop by as much as he wanted and ask anything!

It would certainly feel a lot better than him not dropping by. Leaving aside the context of why he couldn't, of course. But she was going to have to block that out, since the curse knew it would get harder for her each day, and was counting on her weakness.

When he didn't stop by for lunch, Leslie had to concede how much of an evil genius the curse really was.

Still, she willed herself not to go into Ben's office, since that's what her enemy had to be counting on. She couldn't be seen cracking on day 2, or else all the progress of day 1 would be for nothing. She certainly couldn't start listening to doubts about how much progress it was to drive away your boyfriend. If she did, even today's story about stolen library books wouldn't perk her back up- at least for more than a few days.

Leslie needed a good walk to get her mind back on track. And a nice glance at City Hall's beautiful, artistic, incredibly graphic murals always did the job. So she headed off to get calmed down by paintings of Indian corpses, in a route that would take her past Andy's shoe shine.

"Thanks for the shine, Andy. At least this should relax me for a few minutes."

Of course, when Ben was sitting in one of Andy's chairs, it might be time to develop a new route. But she was able to get far enough away so they couldn't notice her, so she could probably sneak away just as quietly. At least it sounded like Ben was too distracted by Andy cleaning his shoes, and not being relaxed all day.

Which he could be for…..a lot of reasons that had nothing to do with her. Leslie was sure of it.

She was….quite sure.

Ugh. Why couldn't she have one of those curses that was too dumb to pass high school or something? But she had to have this dumb smart one that was making her still listen to Ben and Andy.

"Sure thing, man. I'm gonna make sure you're totally relaxed, so no talk about asking out Leslie from me. I'm not even gonna ask why you won't do it, even though I'm still confused. That's how committed I am to your relaxing!"

Well, at least Andy was helping Ben relax- that was way more than what his words were doing for Leslie.

"As long as I'm that safe, I might as well point out again that I can't, not that I won't. I thought I could take a shot two nights ago, but she was on a sugar and nature show high. Thank God she's thrown herself back into work, so she can't think about date stuff. And she won't until I figure out how to help her beat this first date phobia of hers."

"Come on, you've been on a bunch of dates already…..is what someone who wasn't into relaxing would say," Andy recovered.

"This is different, we weren't an actual couple back then, and now we are. She put herself on the line so we could get that far, so now that we are, she'll need me to be different than those other first date guys. From what I've pieced together about this whole thing, they didn't know how to help her when she messed up, and they were dumb enough to think she wasn't worth it anyway. I can't let her panic and think we're going to be like that."

"I know! You can bring one of those fire bottles to put her out, if her sleeve lights up again! That should make her feel better about burning up!" Andy suggested.

"She shouldn't have to burn up, or think I'd freak out if she does. I'm not going anywhere no matter what happens, but our first date still shouldn't be anything like those other disasters. Not after everything she's put herself through already for me. So I'm not going to ask her and let her get scared that it could happen, even for a minute, until I have a plan ready. Even if I have to spend less time with her so I don't slip up and ask before then."

"Wow, dude, that's rough, whatever all that was. I thought you'd be done trying not to ask her out after Chris backed off."

"Yeah, but what's one more delay now, Andy?"

"Um, it's…..aw great, now I'm probably too relaxed to remember!" Andy rued.

"Well, don't worry, you could be worse things."

Andy could indeed be worse, although Ben didn't know how right that was. If Andy wanted to be worse, he would have been in Leslie's shoes right about now.

Making Ben afraid to ask her out, just like he was during the bad old policy days….the curse really was hitting below the belt.

Or it would have been if it was any way involved.

But Leslie had a feeling that the curse was letting her do her own dirty work. And after a few more seconds of thinking, she was sure of it.

She and her fears were making Ben think that she wouldn't think he'd be better than those other guys. She and her curse made Ben so concerned for her, that he wouldn't let himself ask her out like he really wanted to, even though he had waited long enough already. And….she and her own fears had let her freak out anyway, just like Ben didn't want her to do.

At that moment, Leslie was more ashamed of herself than she ever was on any date. She wasn't even on a date yet, and she was messing up worse than if she was on one. She put her entire career on the line to go out with Ben, and she won, and she was still making him wait around. Even though he just said that he wouldn't go anywhere, even if the curse did attack.

Why did she even doubt him in the first place? He already beat his own curse, so would hers really be that much of a challenge for him? And now that she was clear headed enough to think about it, the curse really had some weak opposition most of the time. It had never faced anything like Ben, not after everything he and Leslie had faced together, even before they could date.

After all those budget battles, interviews, the Harvest Festival, fights with evil policies….lunches in front of murals, and late night meetings. All of them like dates of their own, and most of them right here, where the curse couldn't get to them.

Wait.

"I know how to kill you now, curse!"

Leslie was suddenly so flooded with inspiration, she forgot to realize she yelled that out loud. She forgot to realize it was loud enough for Ben to hear her, and she forgot that she was actually running past Ben and Andy, in her rush to start planning.

"That's….perfectly normal," Ben remarked, in his desperate attempt to further avoid temptation.

As far as Ben knew, the day went by with no further incident, as he also threw himself into work. But he did it so well that he was among the last to get done, as usual, although he wanted to head home a little earlier tonight. Yet as he got his stuff together, he tried to tell himself that he could withstand his usual after-work walk with Leslie after all.

"Ben!" And with the sight of her eyes and smile being bigger and brighter than usual, as she ran into the office, Ben was proven wrong quicker than usual.

"Ben, I found a solution to the swing problem! But everyone else has gone home, and I figured I should bounce my ideas off of you before I call them over! Come on, let me show you!"

"Uh….you want to show me now? And it's not something you don't have to review by yourself first?" If Leslie hadn't overheard Ben hours ago, she might have been offended by his reluctance. But now she could tell he was just running out of good excuses.

"I promise you'll be out of here quick, if you see what I see! Trust me, you'll know right away that the answer was in front of us all this time!" Leslie hoped that was still cryptic enough to make it sound work related. But since Ben finally got up to follow her, she figured it was close enough.

The two got to the Parks Department in no time, albeit a Parks Department where everyone else was gone for the day. Ben made his way towards Leslie's office, yet she was able to grab his hand before he got too far off course. "I actually left my findings in the conference room. Don't ask me how yet, just follow me!"

That was better than the other things Ben had done to distract himself today, so he followed Leslie's lead. But perhaps he learned the art of distraction a bit too well.

Otherwise, he might have noticed earlier that the conference room clearly had its lights turned out. He might have also noticed that the light it did have came from a few candles on the table. And then that might have led him to see that only two seats were at the table- one on each side, and facing each other. There was also one dinner plate in front of those seats, to complete the unusual scene.

"I ordered some of our favorite appetizers to get delivered a while ago, so they should be here any minute. And I ordered our favorite dinner foods a minute ago, so we should be done with the appetizers before that gets here," Leslie stated to add to the confusion.

"Leslie, what…..what is all this?"

With that, Leslie stood forward in front of Ben, steeling herself to address him and any imaginary enemies out there.

"This is our first date, Ben. And you don't have to worry about me being afraid now. I was so worried about my other fears that I kept you waiting, and that wasn't fair to you. I let my own stupid selfishness get the best of me again."

"Well, everyone's entitled to one slip up," Ben brought himself to quip.

"The point is, I know how to beat the date curse now. Because this isn't like those other times at all. I wasn't friends with any of those first date guys for months before we went out, and we didn't beat other curses and budgets and city managers together either. And I didn't meet those guys here, in the one place where no curses can get to me. The one place so magical, that the best job and best boyfriend ever is right here for me every day now. Even when she goes all crazy pants. "

Okay, no sudden fires or escaped bats so far, that had to bode well.

"You've waited long enough for this, and so have I. That's how I know the curse won't be so bad this time, because it's never faced a Leslie Knope and Ben Wyatt date before. And a Leslie and Ben date doesn't need to be at any old restaurant, where the curse knows all the layouts. If it's somewhere and something that's ours, with all the things and places that make us us already, then there's no real reason for me to be nervous. Don't you think?"

"Uh….great, now I'm too blown away to remember," Ben managed to say, in a reference that he thought only he would get. "Are you really sure about this, Leslie?"

"Your beloved calzones should be here in a matter of minutes. So there." Although that would probably the best opening for the curse to get to them, Leslie brought herself to risk it- after about an hour of indecision. But she was just about at the end of her pitch, and she hadn't passed out yet, so risk taking was paying off so far. Time to take the big plunge.

"So, Benjamin Wyatt….will you go out on a date with me to the conference room?"

"Wow….I can't tell you how often I've imagined hearing those exact words," Ben replied, in a comment that wasn't a complete joke. But Leslie seemed to get that. "All right….so, it's a date," she declared, to make sure that the rest of the room could hear her. Yet she sounded a little shakier than she was a minute ago.

However, she now knew that half of that was due to nerves, and half was due to excitement. Even having half of it not being nerves was better than 85% of her old first dates. With that, the part that made it better than the other 15% opened the conference room door for her.

A while later, the date got only 60% better when the calzones arrived, and Leslie foolishly thought she could take one bite as a final victory.

But it got back to 90% when Ben found toothpaste for her after she threw up.

The last 10% was crossed after they left the conference room, to properly celebrate their second curse killing.


End file.
